A First

I’m writing this to document and to remember. 

Yesterday I had maybe the biggest scare of my life.  When I went in to “release” my kids from their rest time Eli said “Hannah’s sleeping with her eyes open”. Yes, it sounded odd. So, I turned on the light and went over to Hannah. She was unresponsive and was obviously seizing. I quickly lifted Eli off the soiled  bed and told him to get Keith. As I continued to shake her, he dropped the phone and came in and picked her up and said “we’re leaving”. It was at this point that I started crying and couldn’t quite figure out what to do except hold my daughter while Keith got everything together. 

Today she is back to normal. We don’t know how long she was unresponsive but I don’t expect it was long. Eli was beside her the whole time and showed great concern. 

After Keith and Hannah left I melted into a puddle on the floor. Eli immediately knew there was something wrong and told me he was praying for Hannah in his brain. (Oh. My. Heart). Suzi was crying but I don’t think it was out of concern for Hannah. Her little brain couldn’t comprehend the complexity of the situation. 

As we await next steps from the neurologist and check the box of one more thing CMV has added to my dear child’s life, I thank God for his control over my life. I know I really have no say in anything that happens to my children but I’m thankful I have a Father that does and wants good things for them. ❤️

Transition

Yes, it has been a LONG time. The kids have gotten older, time has seemingly gotten shorter and updating the blog went out the window. I so want to remember these days, so I’m forcing myself to make time once again to write.  

Two years have come and gone since Hannah started preschool. Two years ago I was weighing the pros and cons of sending her 30+ minutes away by car to a school for the hearing impaired. Would she learn better here? Will this be a waste of time? Would she be better served at a closer school? So many questions. 

Enter Cara. A sweet, caring, positive, encouraging, “get the job done” kind of person. She loved Hannah from the start, and the feeling was mutual. I never worried about Hannah’s safety, her ability to access sound, if she was making friends, what was going on in her day because Cara updated me. She updated me daily and I trusted her (& and the TAs with Hannah). Hannah was and still is not a girl who can come home and tell me what happened at school, but being with Cara gave me more than a glimpse into her life at school. 

Hannah thrived. She found her rhythm  and kept going.  She was confident, learning her sounds, learning her friends names (& signs), recognizing words written down, and so much more. This classroom helped Hannah learn the way she needed to learn and found the best way to teach her realizing visual learning is her strength. 

So now off to kindergarten? How can this be? Especially after the world turned upside down and she missed the last quarter of school. No, another year of pre-k is not an option, don’t worry I asked. Hannah has to spread her wings and gain a little more independence. 

So here I sit, with Hannah literally laying in my lap, trying to calm down all the emotions that are going on inside me. Tomorrow is her placement meeting. And even though we’ve talked about it and I feel confident about next steps, it means saying goodbye to a teacher who has helped raise Hannah these past two years. Who I have felt comfortable enough with to raise concerns and share wins. I am incredibly grateful for this experience and I guess it helps me to be more hopeful for the future, because of the Lord’s faithfulness over Hannah’s schooling so far. 

So here we go, taking another jump and trusting in the Lord’s goodness, as we hit the water. 

Thank you Cara and Timber Drive for such a great start to school. We will miss you beyond words but we know this next step is needed in order to grow. ❤️

The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

A 4 Year Old!

Hannah turned 4 a few days ago. 

A couple days before her birthday we had her evaluated at a center for developmental disabilities. 

Not the best thing to do right before a birthday. 

Overall Hannah did most of what she was asked, but it was hard. It was hard seeing her get frustrated because she didn’t want to be there and couldn’t verbally explain that. It was hard seeing some therapists at a loss for how to help her. It was hard leaving and not feeling like we had any next steps. 

Looking back I can explain all of her actions away. Such as the room was very boring, there were no toys, four adults were trying to engage her, only one of which she knew. Yes, this may be hard for any 4 year old, but it was my kid being analyzed and studied that day. 

As Hannah gets older her delays are more clearly seen. Especially in the company of peers. We pray that one day things will click with communication and somehow that may solve a large amount of her frustration, but it may not. 

I don’t have to figure all these things out today, but I do have to remember where my hope lies. In a God who created and knew Hannah’s life before she was known to us. That her days, like all of ours, are numbered and planned out before one of them came to be. 

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Psalm 139:16

Knowing this truth helps me as time continues to pass quickly. 

Even though we see her progression as baby steps she is doing well and growing/maturing in her own time. 

On her birthday I brought cupcakes to school which she loved. Her class and teachers have been such an encouragement to our family. Hannah feels at home there and is thriving. So it was fun to celebrate with her friends. 

The next day she started therapeutic riding and was immediately in love. 

She has loved horses for a while now, but this was the first time she every rode a large horse. So fun!

We hope to start doing this once a week. Beyond her just loving horses it has many therapeutic benefits. 

It helps to strengthen Hannah’s core muscles, which are still rather weak, it helps with her walking and her gait, as her gait aligns with the gait of the horse as she rides. We are thankful for this resource, be it pricey, and that she loves going. This is huge!

I am thankful that the Lord shows me joy in the little things and that He knows the next steps. Please continue to be in prayer for our family. 

Summer’s Over

I knew this day would come. 

Some days I wished it would come sooner, but also relished the slow days of summer. 

Hannah started school. 

This year she is going full day, which is hard on this mamas’ heart. She leaves the house around 8am and doesn’t return until 4:45! 😳

It’s long. 

Her first couple of days were rocky. I don’t know if it was the new environment, new routine or a combination of a lot of things, but when it came to rest time Hannah would not sit down. 

She wanted to play, wake up her sleeping classmates, you name it. By the end of the second day (Friday) her teacher called me to ask for suggestions. This day was particularly hard. 

I gave a few, but I was basically at a loss, this girl hasn’t napped in over a year. I had nothing. 

But I prayed and talked with Hannah about what to do when her Elsa and Anna blanket came out at rest time. 

And you know what? 

On Monday she laid down and went to sleep. 

Praise Jesus. 

Since she had PT Monday morning, I was able to take her to class, and she was so excited to be there.

She really is such a sweet child and endears herself to people. When she likes you, you know it. 

The remainder of this week has gone well and she has come home with a smile on her face and a never-ending hug for me every day. 

I miss my big girl so much during the day but I do believe she’s in a school that will give her the most benefit. 

I pray that this time away will increase her language and understanding and after these two years of driving and being apart for so long during the day we will look back and see how the sacrifice was worth it. 

The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."

Deuteronomy 31:8

What Summertime Brings...

Summertime has gone by...fast. 

As I look back over the weeks I feel like I was just planning camps, VBS and vacations and now they’ve almost all come and gone. 

I love summer because it comes without a schedule,  for a long time. When I am rushing around getting everyone where they need to be I feel like a part of me is lost and I turn into a bus driver. So, Hannah’s schedule has thrown a few wrenches into how our family operates.  We decided to send her to a full day hearing impaired school that is 30 minutes away back in the winter. Even though I knew this would take a lot of extra effort (and driving) I was, and still am, hopeful of the progress we will see in her language by going to this school. 

A few weeks before her previous school ended I talked with her teacher and she mentioned the new school having a year-round schedule. Wrench #1. 

So, Even though Hannah and Eli are both attending a public school they have 2 different schedules. The year-round schedule has the students in class 9 weeks off 3 weeks, year round. The traditional schedule (Eli’s) has him in school from September to June with a long summer break. As I am not opposed to the year-round option I wish both children were on the same schedule. But, I keep telling myself it’s only for 2 years, while Hannah is in preschool and then she should return to the traditional schedule. 🤞Hannah starts school August 1st. 

Another thing that was added is Hannah having her first round of Botox treatments. Wrench #2. Botox is used for people who have tight and/or weak muscles. It helps them become more flexible (for a limited amount of time) to help with walking better, etc. So, Hannah had this procedure on Monday and now will start intensive Physical therapy for the next 12 weeks. 

All I can say, thank the Lord my family is close, because I could not do this without my mom. 

As Keith mentioned last night, so much with Hannah’s care is a guessing game. We hope and pray that we are making the right decisions but sometimes you just have to go with your gut, and Keith’s seems to be more accurate than mine. 

We know the Lord has brought us this far and he is where our wisdom and help come from. (1 Samuel 7: 3-12). 

One other thing that made our summer even more special was Suzi’s 2nd birthday. Have I mentioned I love summer birthdays? We had a “water party” with neighbors complete with cupcakes and watermelon. So perfect for a second birthday. 

❤️

So we joined the church today...

One thing that helps me feel the most settled in a place is having a church family. 

People who you belong with and people who walk with you through life. 

We have been blessed with a church home that  welcomed us in, made a place for our children and challenge us daily. 

This is the smallest congregation we have ever been a part of, but a group of upright, down to earth and beautiful people. 

For all this we are so thankful the Lord led us here. 

So this morning we were presented in front of the church as members. On the way to church we decided to only have Eli come up on stage with us and leave the girls in children’s church. 

A very good idea. 

While we were worshipping I started thinking how nice it would be to have our entire family up on stage. For us all to join the church together. So during the last song I went down and got the girls out of class. They came willingly but when we got to the auditorium they went crazy. No lie. 

They did not want to sit in our laps, they wanted to run down the aisle. 

Once we finally got up on stage Hannah did fine, but Suzi just wanted to run. Yes, my sweet Suzi was kicking and screaming. We hurriedly made our commitment Keith and I switched children (he, my saint of a husband) had been dealing with Suzi while I held Hannah who was, for the most part, content. Eli was a rockstar. 

As we exited the stage there were sympathetic glances and words of encouragement but I’m sure my face was beet red. 

Wow, kids humble us, don’t they?  My kids bring me to my knees, or should, multiple times a day. 

Most people who came up to talk with me afterward said “we’ve all been there.”  While I know this is true, for some reason I thought by kid #3 it may get easier. But no. 

My kids not only made sure we were very memorable to the congregation, but that I keep my focus where it should be. 

On a God that gives abundant grace and meets me daily as I mother these three. I am still amazed that they have been entrusted to us and I get to witness their little lives. ❤️

These Are the Days

Spring break!

In a word...LOVE. 

Now that I have two kiddos in school this break was MUCH needed and a time I have thoroughly enjoyed. We didn’t travel anywhere but staying at home for a break was just perfect. 

Spring break means...

No packing lunches. 

No rushing around in the morning. 

No insisting little ones put on their shoes at least 5 times before we walk out the door. 

Taking time to eat breakfast. 

Spending time together. 

Going to the park. 

And it didn’t hurt that the weather was beautiful all week long!

I often hear from moms who are farther along on the journey say “you’ll miss these days when they’re gone”, and this post isn’t about that. But I am thankful that the Lord has allowed me to see how precious this time is with my kids. 

They still are most content when they are with their family and still want my attention on all things. 

I know they won’t always be like this. 

Easter Sunday at our new church. 

Only 3 of us made it since Hannah was under the weather, but a friend of Eli’s also came with his family which was an added blessing!

Pretty Suzi (in a dress made by her GiGi) and her new “cheeeeeese” face. Her personality is just blooming. 

And Hannah. Thriving with her new ear and learning more everyday. We are still waiting for more clear language, but her listening and response time has increased in the short time since activation. 

As this break comes to and end I am excited about the next few weeks of school and realize

summer is coming and there are many more memories to be made!

One of them being tee ball. 

Yes, this will be what our evenings look like for the next few months. 

❤️ ❤️ ❤️