All the way my savior leads me

This morning I woke up earlier than all others in my house, probably because my mommy brain just turned on early and not because I was fully rested. Facebook reminded me of this post that was written a year ago. A post that was shared and commented on more than 700 times.

As I read over the re-posts and comments and tears ran down my face I was reminded of just how many of you have held us this past year. How many of you have prayed, asked your bible studies and churches to pray, and truly cared for Hannah and our family. It's almost too much to express in words--the power of prayer.

There have been times, many times, we did not know what to pray or how to pray and you prayed for us.

Thank you. 

As I think back on those dark days I'm reminded of those of you who never left us and a God who hasn't either. Through all the questions, unknowns ups and downs the Lord has been leading us and keeping our heads up. 

When we didn't feel like venturing out to a doctor appointment on a cold winter day the Lord motivated us and helped us through. When we felt at the end of our rope and very sad in the diagnosis a friend would call and encourage us. When I felt very alone in a house with two youngsters a friend would call and ask to stop by. 

All of this was the Lord leading us and you praying for us. 

This morning we also had Hannah's one year assessment for first steps--Kentucky's early intervention program. 

As I sat there, across the room from Hannah, watching her engage with therapists, jibber jabber with strangers, point, make eye contact and sit up the whole time my heart was glad. Of course glad at the progress, but also glad about the girl she is becoming. A girl who yes, needs a little more help, but doesn't let that stop her. A girl who, through God's grace, is determined and willing to work hard to accomplish every day tasks. 

I started to think if she works this hard at simple tasks how hard will she work when the goal is larger and and the outcome greater? 

So much of her personality is just emerging and it's a sweet sight to behold. 

There is still so much we don't know about Hannah's future, but we know who holds it. The same One who has walked with us this past year and since the beginning. 

It's hard to find the right words to thank you all for your prayers and love so I'll simply say thank you. 

From the bottom of my heart. 

Good Father, Good Fall

Many of you have probably heard the song "Good Good Father" sung by Chris Tomlin.

Every time I hear it I cry. He is so good. I look back on where we were a year ago...

No sleep. Colicky child. 

No idea our child had hearing loss or CMV. 

Struggling as we added another child to our family, but thankful at the same time. 

and as I look back I'm amazed at His goodness. 

Believe me when I say the grief is still fresh. I think back to Thanksgiving 2014 and never want to re-live those days. I remember crying so much my head hurt, arguing with Keith about what we should have done. 

What the doctors didn't do. 

And feeling very alone. 

I don't know when those days will fade from my memory, but I want to remain faithful even if they don't. I want my kids to read this blog in 20 or so years and see all that God did in our family through the addition of Hannah. 

This year things are brighter. Our girl is progressing, slowly, but still progressing. 

I think we've accepted it, for the most part, and are trying to move on to a new normal. 

Things are different, friends are different and the way we look at life is different. Many people in our life have continued to come around us, pray for us and encourage us (especially from afar). But the special needs title is a lot for some so a few friendships have been lost and that's okay. 

We are thankful that we do believe in and serve a good, good father who is perfect in all of His ways. It's a love undeniable with peace that is unexplainable. 

Peace may still be hard to feel all the time but I know He gives it to me lavishly. 

And for that I'm thankful. 

"Be thankful in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will 

for you who belong to 

Christ Jesus."

I Thessalonians 5:18

Don't Worry About Tomorrow

A few months ago I was checking out at the grocery store alone, a rare occurrence. As I moved to the front of the line I noticed the clerk checking people out was only using one hand to scan every item and put them in bags. At first I thought she did not have a right hand, but as I got closer I noticed her right hand was just down by her side, lifeless, like she didn't even know it was there. 

I really wanted to ask her why she couldn't use that hand, what had happened to her hand, but in the 30 seconds I stood there before her I could not figure out an appropriate way to ask without coming across insensitive. Also, I didn't have Hannah with me, who usually helps me to start those types of conversations. 

A few months ago we knew Hannah had trauma to the right side of her brain because of the CMV, every doctor and therapist told us this would lead to left side weakness but we really didn't know what that would look like down the road. 

When I saw the clerk in Kroger I got a glimpse of what could be. 

I started to worry. 

Now that Hannah is moving more we can see how much she favors her right hand and how hard it seems to be to move her left. 

It's hard to pull up with one hand that's stronger than the other. It's harder to crawl, it's harder to eat. 

For the most part Hannah is adapting. I am amazed at what she can do with that right hand, but we want her to use her left too. 

And we don't want it to be so hard. 

There are days when she puts things in that hand, brings the left to a toy, claps, and more. But at other times it seems like she is totally disregarding it. 

As I understand it, using her left hand doesn't make sense in her brain. Even if she was older and could understand me telling her to move it she could not do it. 

That's why she's in therapy. 

That's why it's important to start early and work with her hand often. 

I wonder if the clerk at Kroger had therapy or the chance to use her hand?

It's hard not to constantly wonder what the future will look like for Hannah. What she will do, how she will be looked at by others. 

That's why I entitled this post "Don't worry about tomorrow" because I know God has given me enough strength, love, grace for today. That's where my mind needs to be. That's where I need to place my trust. That God has this. That he has Hannah in His hand. 

Would you pray that our family will focus on today and not what may happen tomorrow? Believing God is full of grace for the unknown. 

Also, will you pray Hannah will be able to crawl?  We've learned that pushing up to a crawling position can significantly increase the strength of her left arm. 

We know this is possible, but it's hard. 

Thank you. 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:34