Good Father, Good Fall

Many of you have probably heard the song "Good Good Father" sung by Chris Tomlin.

Every time I hear it I cry. He is so good. I look back on where we were a year ago...

No sleep. Colicky child. 

No idea our child had hearing loss or CMV. 

Struggling as we added another child to our family, but thankful at the same time. 

and as I look back I'm amazed at His goodness. 

Believe me when I say the grief is still fresh. I think back to Thanksgiving 2014 and never want to re-live those days. I remember crying so much my head hurt, arguing with Keith about what we should have done. 

What the doctors didn't do. 

And feeling very alone. 

I don't know when those days will fade from my memory, but I want to remain faithful even if they don't. I want my kids to read this blog in 20 or so years and see all that God did in our family through the addition of Hannah. 

This year things are brighter. Our girl is progressing, slowly, but still progressing. 

I think we've accepted it, for the most part, and are trying to move on to a new normal. 

Things are different, friends are different and the way we look at life is different. Many people in our life have continued to come around us, pray for us and encourage us (especially from afar). But the special needs title is a lot for some so a few friendships have been lost and that's okay. 

We are thankful that we do believe in and serve a good, good father who is perfect in all of His ways. It's a love undeniable with peace that is unexplainable. 

Peace may still be hard to feel all the time but I know He gives it to me lavishly. 

And for that I'm thankful. 

"Be thankful in all circumstances, 

for this is God's will 

for you who belong to 

Christ Jesus."

I Thessalonians 5:18

A Morning at Home

The weather has said rain for today all week so I planned on staying in.

We don't get many of these days anymore, even at the ages of my kids. There is usually school, therapy, a doctors appointment, grocery shopping or just the need to get out of the house. 

But today was different. 

And refreshing. 

We started the day watching Curious George's Halloween special, decorated the front door, made a paper pumpkin, played games and danced around the living room. 

I'm thankful for these days. Even though reminders to "listen" and "don't lay on your sister" still had to be said, it's fun not to have a schedule and just enjoy my kiddos. 

Here's a pic of our spooky door

And Eli's pumpkin too. 

Thankful for an "off" day to spend with these two. 

Don't Worry About Tomorrow

A few months ago I was checking out at the grocery store alone, a rare occurrence. As I moved to the front of the line I noticed the clerk checking people out was only using one hand to scan every item and put them in bags. At first I thought she did not have a right hand, but as I got closer I noticed her right hand was just down by her side, lifeless, like she didn't even know it was there. 

I really wanted to ask her why she couldn't use that hand, what had happened to her hand, but in the 30 seconds I stood there before her I could not figure out an appropriate way to ask without coming across insensitive. Also, I didn't have Hannah with me, who usually helps me to start those types of conversations. 

A few months ago we knew Hannah had trauma to the right side of her brain because of the CMV, every doctor and therapist told us this would lead to left side weakness but we really didn't know what that would look like down the road. 

When I saw the clerk in Kroger I got a glimpse of what could be. 

I started to worry. 

Now that Hannah is moving more we can see how much she favors her right hand and how hard it seems to be to move her left. 

It's hard to pull up with one hand that's stronger than the other. It's harder to crawl, it's harder to eat. 

For the most part Hannah is adapting. I am amazed at what she can do with that right hand, but we want her to use her left too. 

And we don't want it to be so hard. 

There are days when she puts things in that hand, brings the left to a toy, claps, and more. But at other times it seems like she is totally disregarding it. 

As I understand it, using her left hand doesn't make sense in her brain. Even if she was older and could understand me telling her to move it she could not do it. 

That's why she's in therapy. 

That's why it's important to start early and work with her hand often. 

I wonder if the clerk at Kroger had therapy or the chance to use her hand?

It's hard not to constantly wonder what the future will look like for Hannah. What she will do, how she will be looked at by others. 

That's why I entitled this post "Don't worry about tomorrow" because I know God has given me enough strength, love, grace for today. That's where my mind needs to be. That's where I need to place my trust. That God has this. That he has Hannah in His hand. 

Would you pray that our family will focus on today and not what may happen tomorrow? Believing God is full of grace for the unknown. 

Also, will you pray Hannah will be able to crawl?  We've learned that pushing up to a crawling position can significantly increase the strength of her left arm. 

We know this is possible, but it's hard. 

Thank you. 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:34