Let's Go Swimming

Over the past month Hannah and I have had the opportunity to go swimming.

Just us. No big brothers. 

We started aquatic therapy and I must say in Hannah's case it was a win-win. 

First of all the pool was a comfy 92 degrees, so basically a giant bathtub. We did it on Tuesday when big brother had other plans, so Hannah was well rested and to her it just felt like play time. 

She got to splash, float on her back, ride in a boat, all the while exercising and strengthening those trunk muscles. 

Her sitting is improving. She is starting to catch herself better and her left hand is opening and grabbing at toys more frequently and with more purpose. 

I wish we could continue this every week, but unfortunately this PT is also a professor and cannot do it during the school year, but maybe next summer when we are working on walking? 

All in due time. 

We are thankful for all the therapists and doctors who truly care for Hannah and our family. It's so refreshing as a Mama to have someone else love on and route for your child who isn't family. They push her, they make her cry but all the while she is learning and we are seeing progress. 

Today we also had beginning convos about cochlear implants with her audiologist. (I'll write a whole other post on that later), but it's just one more example of a doctor who wants the best and isn't afraid to be aggressive with treatment for a favorable outcome. 

"The LORD directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives."

Psalm 37:23

There it sits

For at least 24 hours Hannah's right hearing aid will be housed in the dry & store. 

Why you ask?

Because Hannah took it off and chucked it into the pool today, she's getting very talented with that right hand. 

Of course, this Mama didn't realize it until a friend's daughter swam over and picked it up. Nice. 

Recently, I feel like I cannot get it all together. Is this different than other moms? Just a stage in my kiddos lives? The new normal? I have used the phrase "I'm losing my mind" more times than I wish to admit. 

I guess it could be a new normal that I have to accept, but I don't want to.  

I'm a person who (in the past) prided myself on having things in order, organized. I arrived on time, maybe early. Now I'm just lucky to get there some days. 

I know the point of my life is not to "look" like I have it all together. And if you talk with me for 5 minutes you will realize that's not the case. You will see that I'm just as human as the next mom. 

Christ doesn't love me because I'm organized, on time or have things together. He loves me despite my prideful thinking that I could ever have it all together. He knows my mess and sits patiently until I slow down. 

I love that. 

My life has changed since becoming a Mom of two. No longer can I hold everything and enforce discipline on my children. I'm not strong enough. Physically or mentally. 

Christ tells us to "Come to Him... and find rest". (Matt 11:28) He can take my scattered, weariness and renew it just by being still and allowing his love to wash over me. 

I'm so thankful. 

So, as I look at Hannah's hearing aid in the dry & store, just sitting. It reminds me to sit with Jesus a little while longer. 

On the upside only having her left hearing aid may encourage Hannah to start pulling that one out and using that left hand more--always looking for the silver lining. 

"Cast all your anxiety on him 

because he cares for you."

1 Peter 5:7

Anger

It's a strong emotion. 

One few people like to admit they have a problem with. One that is kept away in public and explodes in private. 

Anger. 

I have been struggling with it lately. I'm not angry at one particular person or situation all the time, but when I let my guard down and don't cling to Jesus ugliness come out. 

I'm angry that my daughter has CMV and won't sleep. I'm angry when my 3 year old won't listen and disobeys. I'm angry that (in my limited perspective) we just can't seem to catch a break. 

I want my old life back. Well, I guess I do. I probably just want the life I "imagine" I want. You've heard all the clichés, the grass is always greener, blah, blah, blah. 

I have noticed that I get more angry when I have little time by myself, with the Lord, to refocus. I need to take a step away from my family to love them more. Of course this does not always happen and there are days I think nap time will never come. 

But it does. 

I've started reading a book by Paul Miller entitled A Loving Life. This book goes through the story of Ruth and explains in great detail her devotion to Naomi. Ruth left all she knew to love, support, comfort and just be there for Naomi. Whether Naomi wanted her or not, she was there. 

There is a lot from the book that applies to my life and the situation with Hannah, but this quote really struck me. 

"Ruth’s walk through the city gates, ignored and unthanked, vividly portrays the cost of love. Ruth bears the weight of Naomi’s life. We usually recoil from the cost of love, thinking it is an alien substance, but it is the essence of love. This is strangely encouraging because when the pressure of love builds, we think that somehow we showed up for the wrong life. This isn’t what we signed up for. But no,this is the divine path called love."

Some of my anger is steming from my selfishness--this is not what I signed up for. I think this quote helps me to look at love in a new light. Why I do what I do. 

I think this post needed to be written for my own sake. To put down how I'm feeling instead of just letting it twist and turn in my head. 

This is my life. I want to live it to the fullest, but I need more lessons in love. Reading about sacrifice like Ruth displayed for Naomi and the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus paid for us show me that I can do this life even if I don't always feel like it. 

Love bears all things,

believes all things, 

hopes all things, 

endures all things.

1 Corinthians 13:7

God Designs our Families

You know, I can relax a bit when I remember this truth.

God designs our families.

I have heard this a lot in the infertility world and adoption world, but since I am rather new to the special needs world I haven't thought about the connection, but it definitely applies.

God knew sweet Hannah and all her needs would be in our family from the beginning. Even if I never expected it. 

I am so glad He's got this!

Yesterday, Hannah turned 10 months!  Wow, 10 months where did the time go?  She continues to work hard with her therapies and is showing us so much more of her personality with every passing day.

Her main mode of transportation is still rolling, but she has started to army crawl, but usually ends up going backwards or in circles. She is eating up a storm, a few of her favs are yogurt, green beans and pears.  She is pushing up on straight arms (thank you to those who have prayed for this) and her left hand is definitely joining in on the action. She now tries to hold a toy with both hands, where before she would not bother and just swing it around with her right.

Today we will try out a thumb splint. This should help Hannah's thumb to stay out (and not in towards the palm) and help her hand to open more. This should encourage her to use it more often and strengthen her hand. You can tell that her left hand is weaker, but with this and other exercises it should get to where it needs to be.

Yesterday we started water therapy and it was a hit!  Hannah had so much fun kicking and splashing and spinning in circles (that's what happens when you only kick with one leg) but by the end of the session she was using her left leg too. We are thankful we can utilize an indoor 92 degree pool with all the toys and floats they provide. This therapy should help Hannah relax a little more and give her some resistance when trying to strengthen that core of hers.

Yes, our summer is busy but busy with the right things.

Eli is enjoying a week at Bug Camp, and even though I am not entirely sure what he's doing all day (he's so tired when I pick him up) he comes home dirty and tells us what some bugs sound like...interesting. Just what a 3 year old boy needs!

"I am the LORD, 

the God of all mankind. 

Is anything too hard for me?

Jeremiah 32:27